Not Until You're At Least Twenty, Anyway.

Older Son (talking about kissing): ... but (boy classmate) and (girl classmate) kissed on the lips.
me (doing my best to be neutral): Oh?
Older Son: Yeah. Which was disgusting, because of germs. I will never kiss anyone on the lips.


Cue maternal relief...

Sorry Darling, Mummy Is Clearly Deaf.

In the car...
Older Son (speaking quietly): Wendy is our real mum.
me (distracted): What?!
Older Son (repeating himself): Reindeer ARE real, mum. 
me: Ohhh.

A Herrible Hoff-... A Horrible Heff-... Heffalump!

Younger Son: Granny’s going to get us a heffalump! 
Older Son (concerned): Is she?