tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63516030850259983342024-03-21T16:52:39.009+00:00A Sort of Purple Thing...Sometimes my kids say entertaining things.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-73870896751478374632012-11-15T16:32:00.000+00:002012-11-15T16:32:28.667+00:00Lord, I Love This Child.<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Who do you want to be like when you're big? (jokingly) Me?</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Not you. You aren't big enough. When I'm young I'll be like you, then when I'm big I'll be like granddad or something.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-18000514457535741912012-09-14T15:56:00.001+01:002012-09-14T15:56:15.648+01:00This Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Older Son: Mummy, he's contradicting me!</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Younger Son: (utterly indignant) NO I'M NOT!!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-62557342383306571912012-09-11T18:23:00.001+01:002012-09-11T18:23:12.288+01:00Size Matters.<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Older Son: I'm <i>tired</i>.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">me: Long day?</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Older Son: (dramatically weak noises of assent)</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Younger Son: (in a clear tone of one-up-man-ship) My day was <i>tiny</i>.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-38646293649047119592012-09-10T17:26:00.001+01:002012-09-10T17:26:20.707+01:00Like, Bad Trouble.<br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Older Son: No you don't get arrested just for eating another person. You're just eating.</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Younger Son: You <i>do</i>. And it causes a lot of trouble.</span><br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-67976858291212461252012-04-03T15:52:00.000+01:002012-04-03T15:52:47.516+01:00You Can't See All The Bling, Either.<span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (playing): We are more rich than you, it's just that you can't SEE all of our gold.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-39358100499115793522012-03-18T17:24:00.000+00:002012-03-18T17:26:29.870+00:00Ah, My Favourite Part.<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (playing): Now, the fighting part of the party is done! It is time for the cake and other lovely bits!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-77894202156412542052012-03-15T18:23:00.000+00:002012-03-15T18:23:51.345+00:00Tasty, and Convenient.<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Mummy, you know the rolls we have in our lunches? I was thinking what if they grew on trees.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: Then they'd be sandwich trees.</span><br />
<i><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Short pause for thought.</span></i><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: And I wish cheese did, too.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (gleefully): Then they'd be cheese trees!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-39143397239866785612012-02-07T18:39:00.004+00:002012-02-07T18:39:45.143+00:00I Think He's Onto Something There.<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: I like you the best, Mama.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me (proudly): I like me too!</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (laughing): You like yourself?! (pause) I bet lots of people like themselves best, actually.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-71349766200829622382012-01-27T16:18:00.000+00:002012-01-27T16:18:02.004+00:00When Did 5 Year Old Humour Get So Morbid?<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Mummy, I'm going to tell you a joke.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Ok!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Why did the bag cross the road?</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: I don't know, why did the bag cross the road?</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Because he didn't think a car was coming. (pause) But a car <i>was</i> coming. And it came around the corner right as he crossed the road.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: .... ok.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-52909401844684034292012-01-20T12:32:00.000+00:002012-01-20T12:32:35.872+00:00And We Wore Flour Sacks To School, Too.<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older son: Mummy did you know there was a time when the internet wasn't even <i>invented</i>?</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Yes darling, I was actually alive then.</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older son (utterly amazed): WOW.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-9070154912279280832012-01-17T16:51:00.002+00:002012-01-17T16:51:40.347+00:00Hybrids.<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: I'm being a unipeg!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: (baffled expression)</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: I'm half unicorn, half pegasus!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: I'm a pegacorn!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Well alright then.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-79661185793022751912012-01-16T16:42:00.003+00:002012-01-16T16:42:39.147+00:00Alas, I Will Never Be Cool.<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: I will have a band, and I will call it 'Classic'.</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: I will call my band... 'Bananas in Pajamas'.</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: You know, you could be in a band together. And you could call it 'Classic Bananas'.</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: That's very... interesting, mummy.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-32890510296228132312012-01-14T00:47:00.000+00:002012-01-14T00:47:36.146+00:00Sneaky And Proud.<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: And (kid from school) was being mean to me and the other kids too!</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Oh dear. And what did you do?</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: I cried and asked them to stop it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: But I told (kid from school) that I was on their team, so they wouldn't be mean to me. I tricked them, didn't I? Hah!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-85419989092930064792012-01-03T14:57:00.000+00:002012-01-03T14:57:45.286+00:00He's Got A Point.<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (screaming angrily): No! Even if I do something to you, doesn't mean you do it back!</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (after a brief pause for consideration): Well you shouldn't have done it in the first place, then.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-2497359826535609722011-12-22T13:57:00.001+00:002011-12-22T13:57:28.039+00:00Something Very Special.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: Mistletoe’s for kissing, isn’t it mummy? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Yes. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (loudly): WHAT ARE MISTLETOES?</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-35739344474181556812011-12-21T10:06:00.001+00:002011-12-21T10:06:27.313+00:00Quick, Get Your Coat!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: Mummy, Mummy! I drew a dragon, and (Younger Son) found Narnia!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">As it turns out, a leaflet had come through the door advertising Christmas TV with a Narnia movie. You can imagine my disappointment.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-21575816401459682732011-12-19T11:58:00.002+00:002011-12-19T11:58:39.348+00:00Better Watch My Wording...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (brandishing a magic wand): What would you like to be turned into?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me (absently): Nothing, thank you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (quickly, and with a flourish): Then I shall turn you into... Thin air!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Nooo!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (happily): Too late.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-38901863706241188722011-12-17T12:04:00.000+00:002011-12-17T12:04:44.097+00:00Spanish Is Now My Favourite.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Both Boys: Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Feliz Navimummy!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Both Boys: Feliz Navimum! Feliz Navimum!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-10012005946306808402011-12-16T15:59:00.000+00:002011-12-16T15:59:34.749+00:00Mmm, Festive.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (watching me curl ribbons): Aha! It goes all small and wrinkly… Like an old man’s face.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-55272127897974192532011-12-15T17:45:00.001+00:002011-12-15T17:45:30.469+00:00Mostly.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>The boys are discussing their numerous relatives...</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: ... and he is our great uncle. Not a normal uncle like the others.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Most of our uncles are normal. Most of them.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-2557658529029353132011-12-13T17:02:00.000+00:002011-12-13T17:02:44.879+00:00With An Accent, Too.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (to me): What do boys do in Germany to be naughty?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (before I can reply, and more neatly than I would have managed): They do what England boys do, just in another language.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-73091840138154352962011-12-04T17:23:00.000+00:002011-12-04T17:24:34.026+00:00My Soul For A Lie-In!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Lying in bed...</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (resting his cheek against my left shoulder): I think it's time to get up now, mummy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Are you sure?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (resting his cheek on my right shoulder): No. Stay in bed a few more minutes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And suddenly, all I could see was this:</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOEkqNNlFZwHLXtDi7xUVsEsHpuD8s4492VtoQ0tLad2Mmua4iMco3lZxIspMzw88e-ouGGDUF-fLh5Oeaybzl0UT_8LBzI9_2QQ-q-s_FZZ0luMT0MPR3IbCWJCwrc2kah8dRNg7o-aA/s1600/angeldevil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOEkqNNlFZwHLXtDi7xUVsEsHpuD8s4492VtoQ0tLad2Mmua4iMco3lZxIspMzw88e-ouGGDUF-fLh5Oeaybzl0UT_8LBzI9_2QQ-q-s_FZZ0luMT0MPR3IbCWJCwrc2kah8dRNg7o-aA/s320/angeldevil.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, this is what we look like. More or less. Although my hair is rarely this restrained first thing in the morning. But otherwise, yes.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-61605793926116209152011-12-04T17:02:00.001+00:002011-12-04T17:03:41.747+00:00By Its Very Nature, Toasted.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son: Mummy, is our toast toasted bread or not toasted?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me (after a pause to check whether he is serious): Toasted, darling.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Younger Son (reflectively): Oh.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-6552689833111815762011-11-23T16:35:00.001+00:002011-11-23T16:38:05.885+00:00I Love You, Kid, But They Might Be Right.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: The people in my class at school say that my jokes don't make sense.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: Oh. Well I think they're funny.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (encouraged): Why was the car bonnet on the roof?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me: ... I don't know, why?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: Because the car couldn't drive.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351603085025998334.post-78460774103074716622011-11-22T17:48:00.001+00:002011-11-22T18:59:42.472+00:00Not Until You're At Least Twenty, Anyway.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son (talking about kissing): ... but (boy classmate) and (girl classmate) kissed on the<i> lips</i>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me (doing my best to be neutral): Oh?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Older Son: Yeah. Which was <i>disgusting</i>, because of germs. I will never kiss anyone on the lips.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cue maternal relief...</span></i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2