Thursday, 15 November 2012

Lord, I Love This Child.

me: Who do you want to be like when you're big? (jokingly) Me?
Younger Son: Not you. You aren't big enough. When I'm young I'll be like you, then when I'm big I'll be like granddad or something.

Friday, 14 September 2012

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Size Matters.

Older Son: I'm tired.
me: Long day?
Older Son: (dramatically weak noises of assent)
Younger Son: (in a clear tone of one-up-man-ship) My day was tiny.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Like, Bad Trouble.

Older Son: No you don't get arrested just for eating another person. You're just eating.
Younger Son: You do. And it causes a lot of trouble.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

You Can't See All The Bling, Either.

Younger Son (playing): We are more rich than you, it's just that you can't SEE all of our gold.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Ah, My Favourite Part.

Younger Son (playing): Now, the fighting part of the party is done! It is time for the cake and other lovely bits!

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Tasty, and Convenient.

Younger Son: Mummy, you know the rolls we have in our lunches? I was thinking what if they grew on trees.
Older Son: Then they'd be sandwich trees.
Short pause for thought.
Younger Son: And I wish cheese did, too.
Older Son (gleefully): Then they'd be cheese trees!

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

I Think He's Onto Something There.

Older Son: I like you the best, Mama.
me (proudly): I like me too!
Older Son (laughing): You like yourself?! (pause) I bet lots of people like themselves best, actually.

Friday, 27 January 2012

When Did 5 Year Old Humour Get So Morbid?

Younger Son: Mummy, I'm going to tell you a joke.
me: Ok!
Younger Son: Why did the bag cross the road?
me: I don't know, why did the bag cross the road?
Younger Son: Because he didn't think a car was coming. (pause) But a car was coming. And it came around the corner right as he crossed the road.
me: .... ok.

Friday, 20 January 2012

And We Wore Flour Sacks To School, Too.

Older son: Mummy did you know there was a time when the internet wasn't even invented?
me: Yes darling, I was actually alive then.
Older son (utterly amazed): WOW.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012


Older Son: I'm being a unipeg!
me: (baffled expression)
Older Son: I'm half unicorn, half pegasus!
Younger Son: I'm a pegacorn!
me: Well alright then.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Alas, I Will Never Be Cool.

Older Son: I will have a band, and I will call it 'Classic'.
Younger Son: I will call my band... 'Bananas in Pajamas'.
me: You know, you could be in a band together. And you could call it 'Classic Bananas'.
Older Son: That's very... interesting, mummy.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Sneaky And Proud.

Older Son: And (kid from school) was being mean to me and the other kids too!
me: Oh dear. And what did you do?
Older Son: I cried and asked them to stop it.
Younger Son: But I told (kid from school) that I was on their team, so they wouldn't be mean to me. I tricked them, didn't I? Hah!

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

He's Got A Point.

Older Son (screaming angrily): No! Even if I do something to you, doesn't mean you do it back!
Younger Son (after a brief pause for consideration): Well you shouldn't have done it in the first place, then.